Shoes... I don't understand this. I'm a guy, I have 6 pairs of shoes, running shoes, flip flops, dress shoes, hiking boots, work boots and a casual sneaker. Each of these fill a specific purpose are that are not interchangeable. You can't run in workbooks and my running shoes don't have steel toes to protect them from falling blocks of concrete. I generally buy my shoes when I absolutely have to (i.e. the previous pair is falling apart) Now let's examine the female portion of our species, they spend more on shoes in a year than I would in 5 years, actually make that ten.
It all starts with "these are cute, they totally go with my...." (this is where I normally zone out and start thinking about what jack bauer would do if the shoe store were to be held up by Russian terrorists commissioned by the Chinese) While this plays out in my head I see my girlfriend slip the shoe on, look at her leg in the mirror at different angles and then go and dump $100-300 on a block of wood with some leather straps that she hasn't even walked in. As I guy I run around the store, poke and prod the shoe to make sure these babies are going to keep my feet happy as R Kelly at a Junior Prom. She runs up and is like "don't you just love them..." (I nod yes and then go back to the part where jack had just punctured the lung of a bearded man with a shoe horn while screaming things into his phone, something about schematics no less.)
Ok, so we return home, several days later she puts the shoes on so we can go out for dinner/drink/walk. This is where the overwhelming demonstration of female stupidity taps you on the shoulder, similar to the way Hack Saw Jim Duggan tapped his opponents with a length 2x4.
1. The shoes elevate you like 3 inches, they impede your ability to take long, quick steps. This in turn slows you down, and I, walking at my normal pace am too fast for you. So what do you do? Whine about it. Tell me to slow down, so in turn, being the
2. Soon your new $300 Steve Madden's are going to be hurting your feet (no fucking kidding) you are standing at a 45 degree decline on a piece of wood with 2 thin leather straps holding your feet down. I think Jesus' feet were more comfortable nailed to the cross. So unlike Jesus you are going to whine and whine and whine about how these are hurting your feet and you don't want to walk any further and that these are "sitting shoes" WHAT THE FUCK? Sitting shoes? how the hell can you have sitting shoes? Can you get chairs and tables that are designed for running and walking? It's like having a car that's designed for parking. Yeah, I had one of these, it was an 86 Oldsmobile Cutlass and the fucking thing was broken, that's why it was a "parking car" cause it didn't work. So if your shoes are "for sitting" then they don't work. They are broken, I'll even call Auto trader myself and see if someone will come and tow them away.
3. As soon as we sit down you are going to take off your "sitting shoes" cause they gave you blisters and your feet are all red and sore. You are going to say how much you love them but wish they didn't hurt your feet. Colour me surprised that they hurt your feet, this is not the first time you've had shoes that torture your feet like a Guantanamo detainee. (in case you are wondering, surprised is a light colour, similar to light-urple)
So, why do you females continue to buy shoes cause they are "cute" even though they are going to fuck your feet up and cause you complain, walk slow, give you blisters and make you look stupid? It's not because you are trying to impress guys. Guys don't give a shit about your shoes, hell look at our feet we don't really care what we put on them, why would we care what you wear? But nope you ignore all the above evidence and have a closet with thousands of dollars invested in foot ware that is abso-fucking-lutely useless. Seems like a smart idea to me. Or on the opposite scale of the spectrum you can get "comfy" shoes that are Uggs, Crocs or stupid looking 18th century rabbit fur style shit that trappers from northern Quebec wore. Why can't you just buy sensible foot ware?
Thanks for helping us break 10 000! and let's hope for 30 000 by our one year anniversary!
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